On my igoogle page today - Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it.- David Sedaris
That sentiment totally haunts me. Everything you do in this life is tainted by people bringing their own stuff into it so to speak. We are so interconnected and yet have no way of seeing all the ties that bind us together. We feign control of things as if they are ours to control. Our words, actions, and the outcomes of both are full of illusion. It's not always the illusion that is real, or the reality that is yours to control either. Somewhere in between the two notions I'm learning to detach from the control and respect the flow of the rest of the world and each individual's "own stuff" and how it makes us a whole. A whole lotta good in the end if you choose to see it that way.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
8 months, 10lbs and a few years later..
Blog?
I've been thinking about the power of blogging again lately. The power communication gives. The power that writing allows. The power of healing. The power of connecting. Whew, that's a lot - I better take a break and have some ice cream.
....
Cynicisms aside, the horizon I was looking at on the road I travel was blue sky and flecktones of radiating sunlight, and as roads tend to, I began to look down as my path got to winding and my road got bumpier. As I looked down I saw all the challenges and trials and the closer my eyes got to the road the closer my body got to it as well. The more I let the weight of the pavement bring me down I become one with the weight and lose all ability to move.
This is how my heart feels when I am consumed by anxiety. This is how it is to be powerless to your universe and to succumb to that notion.
The good news is that though buried by pavement and rubble, my eyes are not closed. I can see the blue sky, though I may not understand it as yet. I can hear the birds warble cries of defiance and liberty and I can feel a wave crash over my brainwaves, dousing them in calm - fleeting though those waves may be - it is my desire to find their ocean and join them in spreading calm and joy.
.....
And I may just let myself eat the ice cream too. You have to take the fat with the fire and the ash with the flame. Aberator is still aberator by any other name. Back to blogitty, here for the bligitty, off with the boo.
I've been thinking about the power of blogging again lately. The power communication gives. The power that writing allows. The power of healing. The power of connecting. Whew, that's a lot - I better take a break and have some ice cream.
....
Cynicisms aside, the horizon I was looking at on the road I travel was blue sky and flecktones of radiating sunlight, and as roads tend to, I began to look down as my path got to winding and my road got bumpier. As I looked down I saw all the challenges and trials and the closer my eyes got to the road the closer my body got to it as well. The more I let the weight of the pavement bring me down I become one with the weight and lose all ability to move.
This is how my heart feels when I am consumed by anxiety. This is how it is to be powerless to your universe and to succumb to that notion.
The good news is that though buried by pavement and rubble, my eyes are not closed. I can see the blue sky, though I may not understand it as yet. I can hear the birds warble cries of defiance and liberty and I can feel a wave crash over my brainwaves, dousing them in calm - fleeting though those waves may be - it is my desire to find their ocean and join them in spreading calm and joy.
.....
And I may just let myself eat the ice cream too. You have to take the fat with the fire and the ash with the flame. Aberator is still aberator by any other name. Back to blogitty, here for the bligitty, off with the boo.
Monday, October 13, 2008
I put my foot down
... and then I took some steps. Positive ones.
1- On September 1st I began using Weight Watchers and have since dropped 13lbs. My total loss goal is 75lbs - which would put me just inside the "healthy weight" zone for my height and age. I've got a lot of work left ahead of me, but have been successful at keeping a good healthy pace and a pretty good head about the work of it. 2 more pounds and I will finally actually be pre-pregnancy weight (what the heck was I waiting on for that loss even!). I've set a reward of getting my hair highlighted at 30lbs down. I haven't had any professional coloring in almost 5 years. I just got my hair cut last week - so if I keep up this pace - I may just be able to add that fun into my next hair cut anyway! About a week ago I started to feel the physical change when I looked into the mirror. I feel even a little bit better looking at myself - but am not stopping to party for a long while yet!
2- There's a rumor out there that oral contraceptives can make you gain weight or at the least make it hard to lose it. I'm here to add grain to that salt -- As of September 3rd I ditched oral contraceptives and their hormonal affects for good - and well, as noted above have been doing well in the weight loss department. I also little by little am gaining my composure back in other ways. I mean lets face it.. a woman's body has enough hormone producing going on all on its own - why add to it? I'm glad I finally put a stop to lazy behavior in that department of life too.
3- As our lives have inevitably gotten busier and more stressful with our roles as young parents and a single income family and a few other hats -- married life has also inevitably had its rocky roads lately. And I'm here not to share any juicy details - but to take a stand for the good it does to jointly do something about it. Shawn and I are attending couples counseling and learning to communicate better. We're not very far into the process, mind you, but the joint self realization that we were on a deteriorating road and the proactivity to seek assistance in repaving it - thats empowering, for sure.
More positive, empowered, enlightening posting to come... so long as I keep my feet down and taking steps.
1- On September 1st I began using Weight Watchers and have since dropped 13lbs. My total loss goal is 75lbs - which would put me just inside the "healthy weight" zone for my height and age. I've got a lot of work left ahead of me, but have been successful at keeping a good healthy pace and a pretty good head about the work of it. 2 more pounds and I will finally actually be pre-pregnancy weight (what the heck was I waiting on for that loss even!). I've set a reward of getting my hair highlighted at 30lbs down. I haven't had any professional coloring in almost 5 years. I just got my hair cut last week - so if I keep up this pace - I may just be able to add that fun into my next hair cut anyway! About a week ago I started to feel the physical change when I looked into the mirror. I feel even a little bit better looking at myself - but am not stopping to party for a long while yet!
2- There's a rumor out there that oral contraceptives can make you gain weight or at the least make it hard to lose it. I'm here to add grain to that salt -- As of September 3rd I ditched oral contraceptives and their hormonal affects for good - and well, as noted above have been doing well in the weight loss department. I also little by little am gaining my composure back in other ways. I mean lets face it.. a woman's body has enough hormone producing going on all on its own - why add to it? I'm glad I finally put a stop to lazy behavior in that department of life too.
3- As our lives have inevitably gotten busier and more stressful with our roles as young parents and a single income family and a few other hats -- married life has also inevitably had its rocky roads lately. And I'm here not to share any juicy details - but to take a stand for the good it does to jointly do something about it. Shawn and I are attending couples counseling and learning to communicate better. We're not very far into the process, mind you, but the joint self realization that we were on a deteriorating road and the proactivity to seek assistance in repaving it - thats empowering, for sure.
More positive, empowered, enlightening posting to come... so long as I keep my feet down and taking steps.
Friday, September 12, 2008
poor tinkerbell
Holy Snapping Duck Do! I just got hit on the head and recalled that I have not updated this since people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died... You would not believe the fairy dust I have to clean up. Whenever will they invent electricity!.
I am so busy with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, being distracted by the shiny, just generally being a nuisance to every Lost Boy that crosses my path, my day is dreadfully busy from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to whenever. I am not growing up. I need a nap.
I swear on the bones of my ancestors I will update you with my nefarious activities as soon as I get a chance. You have my word! What do you mean you don't believe me?.
fun found via 3/8 german and the lazy blogger.
I am so busy with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, being distracted by the shiny, just generally being a nuisance to every Lost Boy that crosses my path, my day is dreadfully busy from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to whenever. I am not growing up. I need a nap.
I swear on the bones of my ancestors I will update you with my nefarious activities as soon as I get a chance. You have my word! What do you mean you don't believe me?.
fun found via 3/8 german and the lazy blogger.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
holiday weekends
Shawn and I have a history now of taking hikes/going to scenic places on holiday weekends. When we were still dating it was Equinox Mountain, in Manchester VT on Memorial day. The following year, it was the Indian Ladder Trail at Thatcher Park, last year understandably with pregnancy and brand new baby things like that did not happen.. and this year, it was the 2.5 mi hike around the lake at Grafton on labor day weekend.
Labor day itself this year we went to the Scaghticoke Fair. It was wonderful watching Angeline giggle at the carnival rides and all the colors. Shawn won her a good sized stuffed frog and that got some pretty big smiles too.
I guess you could certainly say we do our best to make the most of an extra day off.
Labor day itself this year we went to the Scaghticoke Fair. It was wonderful watching Angeline giggle at the carnival rides and all the colors. Shawn won her a good sized stuffed frog and that got some pretty big smiles too.
I guess you could certainly say we do our best to make the most of an extra day off.
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